LOST SOULS All You Want
by Gh0st
Summary: A little semi-song fic, or rather a fic with a song at the start. Just another little Ghost and Steve ficlet with some angst. Set somewhere after Ann's rape. Whether I can see it actually happening doesn't matter. It's fine for some random angst.


**Title**: All You Want  
**Author**: Gh0st  
**Series**: LOST SOULS  
**Warning**: Possible LOST SOULS spoilers.  
**Disclaimer**: The lovely Ghost and Steve are, I hate to say, not mine. They belong to Poppy Z. Brite, the lucky lady. I assure you, I am making no money out of this in any shape or form, and it will remain as such.  
**Notes**: Just...felt like it. It seemed a song suited to them somehow.

_I like to watch you sleep at night,  
To hear you breathe by my side  
And although sleep leaves me behind,  
There's nowhere I'd rather be _

_And now our bed is oh so cold,  
My hands feel empty, no-one to hold  
And I can sleep what side I want,  
It's not the same with you gone _

_Oh if you'd come home, I'll let you know that  
All you want, is right here in this room, all you want  
And all you need, is sitting here with you, all you want _

_It's been three years, one night apart,  
But in that night you tore my heart  
If only you had slept alone,  
If those seeds had not been sown _

_Oh you could come home and you would know that  
All you want, is right here in this room, all you want  
All you need is sitting here with you, all you want _

_I hear your key turning in the door,  
I won't be hearing that sound anymore  
And you and your sin can leave the way you just came in,  
Send my regards to her I hope you've found that _

_All you want, is right there in that room, all you want  
All you need is sitting there with you, all you want  
I'd like to watch you sleep at night,  
to hear you breathe by my side. _

_-Dido, All You Want_

Ghost rolled over, drawing the cool sheets about himself, wrapping himself up, cocooning himself away before squirming down into a warm little pile on the bed.

But this preparation for possible sleep didn't bring him much joy. After all, he'd been attempting to sleep since Steve left earlier. There was just something on the air, something that left Ghost unsettled.

He'd known it before Steve actually left the house- "Headin' out a while."

"To Ann's?"

"Yeah. Don't wait up."

And then Steve had ruffled Ghost's pale hair, flashed a grin and left.

Something in Ghost's head was giving off alarms. Steve. Maybe you shouldn't go tonight. I have a bad feeling. Please, stay here tonight. Stay with me tonight, play songs, get drunk, anything. And he knew if he'd made a light grab for Steve's arm, curled his fingers about his friend's bicep, caught his eyes with his own and spoke that to him, Steve would grumble and cuss and call him a whiny loser. But in the end, Ghost wouldn't need to argue and Steve would have stayed. There was no questioning what Ghost felt like there was no questioning the fact it was raining rather than dry- it was just the way it was, and unquestioned event that was almost always true. So yes, if he had said it, Steve would almost certainly be flopped over the other side of the bed, an arm slung around Ghost's shoulders, a bottle or six string between his fingers of the other hand, or a six string on the floor and a bottle in his hand, or vice versa.

Ghost squeeze his eyes closed, drew his knees up to his chest and held his breath quietly for a few long seconds. He could check the time, see how long Steve had been gone and then he could guess what time he'd be back home again. But if he looked at the clock then he wouldn't turn away. He's stare at the clock for hours of minutes and it would be pure torture. So he wouldn't even look once.

He heard the door creaking, felt the rush of cool air through the house from the cold, wet winds outside and felt the ice catch in his throat. Ghost drew up to a sit, staring across the room and was met with the image he knew he would be.

There he was, his best friend, wet from the rain, jacket soaked through, hair slicked against his forehead, head bowed a little and wordless aside from his soft breathing.

And Ghost knew. He didn't want to know, but he knew. He knew it all in one slip second. He knew the anger blazing at each other, he knew the calming touches, the slowing down of heated, furious words. He knew the closeness and the cooling down then heating up in a different manner. And in all of that, he also knew that in the back of Steve's head the anger still pooled, and despite what reason had told him it didn't stop his body showing how angry he was, no matter how hard he tried to hide it. Ghost knew pain, of both of them, he knew it all and it made him shudder.

He had been right after all. He should have stopped Steve. He should have said something.

Maybe, just maybe, even though feeling sorry for her was on top of all his feelings for Ann, maybe Ghost envied her. Even though Steve hurt her, burnt her emotions with harsh words, ripped her apart on the insides through anger, made it painful for her to walk for a couple of days or a week afterward. Even then, Ghost knew if he could, he would have wanted to take Ann's place to save her, and to save Steve.

However, Ghost also knew even if there was such a trade Steve would never take out that aggression on Ghost. Maybe that's why Ann was there in the first place, because Ghost was so frustrating, so annoyingly calming and there that Steve had to use Ann in the manner he did. That didn't stop Ghost wanting to save the two of them though, to take her place and save them both.

Finally, after two or three long seconds of bombarding emotions and thoughts Ghost shook himself out of it all, drew his eyes to try and find Steve's, but there was no flicker of light to find them. The shadows were too deep around his eyes and his hair was extra safety.

"...Steve...", Ghost murmured, seeing Steve twitch a little as he spoke his name before his shoulder shook.

"...I fucked up, Ghost..."

Ghost swallowed down a lump in his throat, shuffling over to the end of the bed in front of Steve, his soft, pale hands drawing up to brush some of Steve's raven hair away from his face. He let Steve fall against him, dripping wet, trembling and sobbing. Steve could feel the water running into Ghost's hair where one hand was, felt his thin t-shirt grow heavier bit by bit by the wet of his jacket. He wanted to pull away, it wasn't fair to make Ghost chilled through because he'd been out all night in the rain for hours.

Then, Ghost caught a horrible thought from the shivering, wet form against him.

_I should'a stayed here tonight...Should'a stayed with you, Ghost. I'm such a fuck up._

There was no point in asking questions, prying and pulling apart already gruesome details like an autopsy of rape. Ghost never needed to drag details out. He just understood, just felt what Steve felt and asked nothing. He just held Steve until he fell asleep and hoped his own soft sobbing of guilt didn't make it worse.

Eventually, Steve calmed, began to doze damply on Ghost, his friend's hand resting on the back of his head as one of his own hands mirrored Ghost's at the back of his head. How did Ghost just calm him so easily? How could he just say his name, once, and have him drifting off to sleep?

Then Steve started to mutter faintly.

"...should'a stayed here tonight...get a few bottles and just...stayed here with you, Ghost..."

Ghost held him a little tighter, caught a last little thought before Steve fell asleep.

_All I need is here._

Ghost wasn't sure whether to believe that, it could have just been the anger talking, just annoyance at Ann- like a child falling out with their best friend and then claiming they don't need anyone.

It was about time to stop thinking, Ghost decided. He'd look after Steve while he slept, keep the demons out of his dreams and in the morning help him nurse his hang-over and the name 'Ann' wouldn't be mentioned for a long time. To mention the name of the one who had been raped to their rapist was unheard of, and Ghost knew too well.

He'd just leave Steve to decide what he wanted. But still, he cried silently because he couldn't save either one of them.


End file.
